The Trouble with Kramer
by samanddianefan10
Summary: After Elaine takes some medication, she finds herself in a situation she never thought she'd be in. It involved herself, medication, alcohol- and Cosmo Kramer.


Elaine woke up, wondering what the heck she was doing _there. _There was something wrong, she could tell, something very, very wrong.

"Morning, Elaine."

She stared the person who walked into the bedroom where she was lying, half-dressed. Realizing who it was, she quickly pulled the sheet over herself in order to cover her up.

"_Kramer! What are you doing here?"_

"I live here. Just ask Jerry, he'll vouchify for me."

"Vouch. It's vouch. And what does Jerry have to do with anything?"

"I don't know. I don't know. Talk about your wake-up call."

"Kramer, what wake-up call? What are you talking about?"

"You know, last night..." Kramer started to undress, to which Elaine quickly averted her eyes.

"Why are you...naked?"

"It's not like you haven't seen it before."

"Oh my God. Are you saying...you...me..."

"Now you're waking up! Coffee?"

"Sure. I will take a cup."

"Give me a minute. I have to go to Jerry's to get some."

"Forget about the coffee! What was I thinking...I slept with Kramer?"

"I know. I said the same thing. Not about sleeping with Kramer. I meant I slept with Elaine.."

"Stop! I want you out of this room- right now. And I don't want you to speak to me after I leave. Got it?"

He saluted her, causing his robe to come undone. Elaine cringed, not knowing whether to scream or to vomit. She would do both later, that was for sure.

00000

At the cafe, Jerry was prompt as usual, a fact for which Elaine was particularly grateful for on that eventful summer morning.

"Elaine! What's wrong with you? You look like someone just ran over your foot."

"I wish somebody would," she sighed before hitting the table with her forehead.

"What? Is this about you and Kramer?"

Her eyes enlarged, she quickly replied. "Kramer? He told you about last night?"

"And George too. I only have one question for you...why?"

"I have no idea. It must have been the cough medicine. The directions say not to drink alcohol while under the influence of the medicine. They put black box warnings on medicine these days- talk about your black box warning. Caution: when combining alcohol and this medicine you might not remember who you wake up with in the morning."

"We all know who you woke up with," he laughed, unable to contain himself.

"Don't laugh! It's not funny. Are you forgetting you and I have also slept together?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"So from this point on you'll forever be known as Jerry Seinfeld- the man who slept with a woman who slept with Kramer!"

Now it was Jerry's turn for his forehead to hit the table, spilling his coffee in the process.

00000

Great. He was the guy who slept with the girl who slept with Kramer. Kramer! Maybe if it were George, he could handle it better. But this was more serious- this was Kramer of all people. How in the world would he ever be able to look at his friend again?

Hearing a pounding at the door, Jerry went up to answer it, only to find the one person he did not want to see staring at him.

"Got any coffee?" Kramer cheerfully asked.

"Yeah. It's in the cabinet."

Helping himself, Kramer surprised Jerry by asking him a question. "Hey, after you and Elaine broke up, how long was it before you two became friends?"

"What?"

"Well, I like Elaine and all, she's a swell kid. But you know, she's not really my type."

That made Jerry laugh out loud. "You're breaking up with Elaine? Does she know about this?"

"Actually I was kind of hoping I could do it here. Witness protection, and all that."

"I wouldn't miss this for the world." So Jerry, still laughing, picked up the phone and invited Elaine over.

Fifteen minutes later, the room was filled with an awkward silence.

Finally Jerry spoke up. "I believe you have something you want to discuss with Elaine. Shall I leave you two alone?" he grinned.

"Don't leave me!" Elaine shrieked. "What do you want, Kramer?"

He scratched his head. "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm really sorry...gosh this is hard. How does George do this all the time?"

"Do what? Will somebody please tell me what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do this. Jerry, you tell her."

.

"Tell me what?"

"What Kramer's trying to tell you is that he's breaking up with you."

She stared at Jerry, then at Kramer, then at Jerry, then finally back at Kramer. "You- you're breaking up with me?"

"It's not you. It's me.."

She screamed. "Don't give me that line. It's not you, it's me. That always means it's really me. What is wrong with me, might I ask?"

"Nothing. You're perfectly nice and all...it's just, well, you're not really my type. There, I said it. Are you happy, Jerry?"

"What did I do?"

Elaine couldn't believe that this was happening to her. It should be her breaking up with Kramer, not the other way around. How could she possibly save face in front of everyone now?

"No, Kramer. You can't break up with me. I refuse to let you break up with me," she finally declared, pointing her finger at him.

"Boy you're right, Jerry. She is needy."

"Jerry, I'm not through with you. But Kramer, I'm breaking up with you. You're not breaking up with me. Are we clear on that?"

"Sure, if you say so."

"Oh, just go on, get out of here."

Kramer waved goodbye to his friends, then he finally left.

"There, I did it. I bet you didn't think I could do it, did you?" She grinned smugly.

"Do what? Break up with Kramer? That I believe. It's the hooking up that I still can't get over," he laughed.

"This is funny to you?"

"Sort of, yeah."

"Don't forget you slept with a girl who slept with Kramer. So that makes you guilty by association," she smiled at him before gathering her belongings.

"Where are you going?"

'To get my medication refilled."

"Elaine?"

She turned around. "Yeah?"

"Take it easy, will you?"

"No more alcohol for this chick with this medication, let me tell you. Bye, Jerry."

Was Elaine right? Was he guilty by association? No, that was just something Elaine was saying to him to make herself feel better. It didn't matter, did it?

Knowing he had to get ready for a club appearance, Jerry tried to put his friends out his mind. But he just couldn't get past Elaine and Kramer. Fortunately for Jerry, that situation provided ample fodder for that night's material, and he got some of the biggest laughs he'd had in some time.

The end


End file.
